I'm one of those people that is incapable of long distance relationships. While I have great intentions of writing letters or iChatting, I am, alas, cursed with the attention span of a gnat. The long-distance thing just doesn't happen.
This is why I loved LinkedIn. LinkedIn helps you find people when you reach the "contrition' cycle of your biorhythm.
The LinkedIn 'invitation to connect' is the relationship Hail Mary. It says (without saying), "I'm sorry that I haven't picked up the phone, but since we spent five years sharing a cube and eating Ramen, would you be my friend again?"
Those familiar with LinkedIn know that the joy of finding old friends is tempered by the torture of learning just how well the assholes from your past are doing. And by this I do not mean ex-boyfriends. I mean that married creep who made a pass at you during the Christmas party. (Remember when corporate America had Christmas parties?) When you stumble across his profile and he's a CEO, life feels really unfair.
But nobody ever said that life is fair. What they did say is that life is all about who you know, not what you know. And LinkedIn serves well toward that end.
But relationships aren't always everything, so LinkedIn wants you to post your resume. Yet somehow I remain hesitant to include my most important experience, such as maternity leave. Compared to raising an infant, navigating corporate America is a picnic.
But relationships aren't always everything, so LinkedIn wants you to post your resume. Yet somehow I remain hesitant to include my most important experience, such as maternity leave. Compared to raising an infant, navigating corporate America is a picnic.
Consider, for example, the following comparison:
Assigned Task
Interpret Supreme Court case on the extraterritoriality of securities laws.
Skillset
Use appropriate resources (Find legal opinion online and read it.)
Multitask (Drink coffee and listen to classical music while typing up notes)
Collaborate (Call a co-worker to ask her opinion. Bitch about your boss.)
Finish task on time (Deliver memo to boss.)
Versus:
Assigned Task
Interpret ear-splitting hysteria from 4-month old.
Skillset
Identify solutions (Is child wet? If so, change diaper.)
Use appropriate resources (When child continues to cry, breastfeed.)
Explore Alternatives(When child screeches harder, sing softly and sway from side to side.)
Mentor (Assure 2 year old sibling who is sitting on the potty that you'll "be right there!")
Multitask (Answer phone from colleague who seeks your opinion on the extraterritoriality of securities law. Give child on potty M&M's.)
Exercise self-restraint (Remain calm as colleague on phone sips latte and complains that you are difficult to hear with all that noise.)
Leverage opportunities (Take 4 Advil to soothe pounding headache and use the calming influence of Teletubbies on children to perform quick research colleague has requested.)
Finish task on time (Hit “send” button as your child wakes up screaming again and you run to pediatrician's office)
Finish task on time (Hit “send” button as your child wakes up screaming again and you run to pediatrician's office)
I feel that using this narrative in my resume might give the wrong impression. Perhaps I’ll just say “mother of 2” and hope somebody gets the missing link.
tlc
