I can't really point to any particular parenting philosophy to which I subscribe. Frankly, I never took philosophy in college and I wouldn't know a philosopher if he were standing in front of me, wearing a toga and hitting me in the head with a scroll.
That said, I did learn one useful thing in college that has helped with my parenting: procrastination. By putting off tomorrow what I should be doing today I avoid all sorts of confrontation. For example:
Kids: "Mom, can I get a tattoo?"
Me: "Let's talk about that tomorrow."The other useful tidbit I picked up in college was Monty Python's 'Philosopher's Drinking Song.' This has proven a handy tool for those parenting moments that warrant a little Je Ne Sais Quoi.
Speaking of French sayings, like most overtired mothers, I often subscribe to a "Laissez Faire" method of mothering. I believe "Laissez Faire" means "Let the Kids Do Whatever They Want If It Will Keep Them Quiet." Unfortunately, this particular philosophy has a limited lifespan, and tends to be abandoned once you find your iPad floating in the toilet.
During my children's preschool years I was told by numerous professionals that consistency was the most important element of parenting. But in order to be consistent I would need to remember whatever it was that I did yesterday. So I'm doomed to failure. Like most mothers, I either can't remember what happened, or am so traumatized by it that I can't possibly look back. My past is so littered with residue from parenting mistakes that I might just die of shame if I had to revisit it. I much prefer instead to stumble forward, in the hopes that my direction du jour will take me to the parenting promised land. I am consistently inconsistent and that will simply have to do.
I've heard that honesty is the best policy when it comes to children. Finally! Here is something that I can say I've done at least as well as everyone else. We seem to have an innately similar dialogue concerning the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and Quality Children's Programming on T.V. No falsehoods there! The American Academy of Pediatrics would be proud!
This weekend I was forced to examine my parenting mojo after reading an article titled, "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior." (You can find it in the WSJ here (subscription required.) The author stresses early on that she uses the term "Chinese" loosely and the moniker can broadly apply to any nationality who shares the core parenting principles that are enumerated in the article.
I was eager to learn the secrets of Superior Motherhood so that I could immediately begin rearing functional, happy children who might some day brush their teeth without prompting. What I found was severely disappointing. Apparently, in order to be Superior you have to be a Hard Ass.
The author describes a philosophy that assumes children are destined for greatness and so must be pushed to achieve it at all costs. The underlying theme is that children can be the best at everything and aren't worth their salt unless they've become so.
I have to credit the author for her moxy. I disagree with her methods, but I admire the fact that she is 100% convinced that her viewpoint is 100% correct.
I think if I learn nothing else from the article it is to be true to my parenting convictions. When I find myself second-guessing my parenting decisions, I notice that my children smell blood and act accordingly. Already they have learned to exploit my weak spots. I assume that this means they will someday be successful either in business or government. Perhaps my confused parenting is thus ironically driving them, in a perverse way, to greatness!
The article made me more confident in my parenting by reminding me just how vast the spectrum of motherhood is, and how varied our approaches may be. Fundamentally, however, we all want our best for our children. As to how we get there, well," "à chacun son goût!"
tlc
